Saturday, December 4, 2010

Classic Cablenet answering machine messages from an irate customer (NSFW)

This tape came from the answering machine at Cablenet (now Cogeco) in Kingston, Ontario in the mid 1980's. "Automag Magazine" was a car review show that used to air in the area.  This customer obviously loves his Automag Magazine!  Not safe for work or near children due to the excessive (and hillarious) profanity.  This tape was recently featured on Boing Boing, and yes, copies were made and distributed at my high school as well.  

REMEMBER: THIS IS NSFW!  Still curious?  Check after the jump...

If you want to hear this with a great beat...  try this!  Or without the music, check this out.

Here is the transcript of the calls:
Where's the fucking service, you cocksuckers? I pay for the fucking shit, why don't you fucking bring it on? Sick of you bunch of fucking bastards.
Where's the fucking cable?  I've been paying you slutting, fucking assholes all along and I've got no fucking TV!  Jesus fucking Christ, what in fuck do you want for fuck all?
I've been phoning all these goddamn cocksucking fucking numbers you've got in this fucking phone book, and there all busy. Well my cable's fucked, and you're going to hear from me anyway!  You bunch of goddamn cocksucking fucking bastards.
I don't want to sell fuck all, I want to watch fucking TV. You cocksucking fucking whores, you've got all these fucking numbers in the goddamn cocksucking fucking phone book, and there all fucking busy.  I'm a working man, I pay your cocksucking fucking bill, why in the name of Jesus goddamn cocksucking fucking Christ can you not supply me the goddamn motherfucking whoring sluting fucking goddamn cocksucking fucking service?
Hello you Dogan-faced motherfucking cocksucking whoring sluting goddamn by the Jesus fucking goddamn sluting fucking bastards. Where's the fucking cable? Paying for the fucking shit and I ain't fucking getting it.  Get it on the air you bunch of fucking bastards!
I can't watch Automag with out fucking TV!  Where's the service you bunch of goddamn cocksucking fucking bastards?
I hate paying for something I don't have.  I cannot watch your Automag Magazine if I do not have the service.  I've been phoning all you're other numbers, it's been ringing busy. This is the only number I've been able to get a ring from. So where's the cocksucking goddamn whoring sluting by the Jesus fucking service?
It's me again motherfuckers.  I have no fucking cable. You bunch of goddamn whoring sluting fucking over paid cocksuckers, you're doing fuck all for what I'm paying you. Jesus Christ, you ought to try do what I do for a fucking living!   
Hello motherfuckers.  My cable's back on, thank you very much.

1 comment:

  1. And now we return you to your regularly scheduled program. Thank you for your patience.